When I learned I had pancreatic cancer, I wondered what difference would it have made for me to get genetic testing? I had no idea the role my genetic make-up played in my success as a survivor 14 years later.
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Human health does not come with a guarantee nor does our life expectancy. I did everything “right” in terms of diet, health and fitness. I practiced ultimate nutrition my entire life, diligent about health check-ups, never smoked and exercised 5 to 6 days a week for over 40 years. After years of treatment for pancreatic cancer and to be told I had 3 months to live, I asked my doctor what I could have done differently to not get this death sentence. His response, “Absolutely nothing.”
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I am often asked if I have anxiety about results of scans, tests, and reoccurrence. Of course there are questions and concerns, but I can say with all sincerity, I am fairly calm and don’t dwell on this. I never play the “what if” game. I believe this is a result of the healthy denial I have often referred to. It is an astonishing mix of fragility and ferocity. I have the capability to eliminate this from my mind or at the very least, move it to the back burner.
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When was the last time you did something for the first time? I had a new experience recently, taking a writing class with Jennifer Louden, a best selling author. Reading about this in the Paris Review, I stepped out of my comfort zone and plunged in, head first. The setting: 1440 Multiversity in Scotts Valley, CA. Named for the 1440 minutes in a day, 1440 is founded on the belief that each minute is a chance to connect with what truly matters—both within and around us.
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I, like so many, am reeling from the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. I am struck by the tremendous impact that Kate Spade had on people everywhere. It is even more extraordinary knowing that she wasn’t overly present for the past decade, which speaks volumes for the emotional connection to the brand and what she stood for.
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A recent dinner conversation inspired me to share these thoughts with you. Lovely friends, Kelly and Harry, had just returned from touring the house they were moving to in a few days. On several occasions, the owners graced them with detailed descriptions of the fabulous furniture, accessories and art that would now be in their new living space. The husband had previously regaled them with fascinating stories of the history and provenance of the priceless works of art – valuable antiques, a Baccarat chandelier, precious rugs, art dating back centuries – all museum quality. The wife would describe how these were acquired, the rarity and value, which in some ways, was daunting!
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I have struggled writing this blog, finding it impossible to finish a thought with tears welling up and at times, completely incapable of writing. I have a catalog of strong emotions when I think about my girlfriends and what they have given me. We know that a single event cannot only shape your life, but illuminate it. Being told I have pancreatic cancer did both of these for me.
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By the time this is posted much will have been written on the devastating tragedy in Parkland, Florida. As a nation, we experience so much grief, however in our own lives, none more shattering than losing a loved one.
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I recently read the book “A Gentleman In Moscow” by Amor Towles. On Page 1, he writes “Well, where is our purpose now? Like so many questions I answer this one with the eye-averted peeling of a pear.” As with every chapter in this wonderful book, this is written with sophisticated humor in rich and poetic language.
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I am shaking a storyteller’s snow globe and the result is not just a fictional snowstorm, but also the rearrangement of what many perceive this time of year to be.
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While the holidays are known for being a time of joy and cheer, that may not be the case for somebody who is sick, struggling physically or mentally, fighting for their life, or less fortunate than us. We live in an age consumed by things. And, it is no more evident than at this time of year. The frenzy of shopping, crowds, long lines, large credit card bills – it is assumed that happiness can be gift-wrapped.
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Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I pay particular attention to the very good life I am fortunate to live and the countless things I am grateful for. The holidays can bring out all kinds of emotions – incredibly joy spending time with family and friends, enjoying a beautiful meal together, taking a bit of well-deserved vacation – but it can also be stressful.
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World Pancreatic Cancer Day is November 16th. Eleven years ago, this would not have been noteworthy me to. I barely knew the role of the pancreas and no one in my world had been affected by the disease. About 1.5 years before my first distinct symptom of pancreatic cancer, on a whim, I decided (and did) participate in a 100 mile bike ride in the mountains of Aspen. It is only eleven years later that would I realize the significance of this crazy adventure.
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I was recently thinking back on a very low point in my cancer journey. Every little undertaking seemed monumental. Everyday things I took for granted that were performed with energy, enthusiasm and often with little effort, were now overwhelming. My road to recovery was not a straightforward path, in fact there was nothing encouraging about it at all.
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I love the outdoors; there is never enough to satisfy me with the abundant beauty that exists everywhere. I love exercising in nature’s magnificence. I love spending time with my friends in the simplest or most challenging of elements, connecting with mind, body and soul, coupled with surprises and unexpected pleasures around every corner. It is all intoxicating!
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I had the good fortune of speaking at the Cancer Support Community's Strength of a Woman gala on October 4, 2017 honoring three inspiring women for their many contributions to the community.
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Many of you have heard me say that I believe my life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% what I do with it. Attitude is a choice. We are what we think, and we choose our own world by the way we choose to see it. For sure, bad things happen to all of us; you get to choose how you handle it.
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Seeing the play Hamilton with the original cast in New York was an extraordinary experience, and one that I repeated this past Sunday in Los Angeles. However, this time, the lyrics in the song “It's Quiet Uptown” took on another meaning for me.
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